Poster Bored
The best speech of 2013?

I know we’re only three days in, but the bar has been set for high quality speeches in the US House of Representatives. Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC), of “You Lie!” fame, delivered rousing oratory on everything from spending cuts to 9/11 with some wonderful tangents in between, and all in under two minutes! So please, sit back, relax, and enjoy what may prove to be the best speech of this as-yet-young year.

Sen. Orrin Hatch pays homage to his fellow GOPer Teddy Roosevelt with this anti-Monopoly poster.

Just kidding. That would make the poster make sense! No, it’s actually (if the Senator is to be believed) about how Democrats want to ban the rich, which really means banning small businesses…because small businesses look like Uncle Pennybags and they’re going to get trapped in a prohibition sign like some sort of full-roaming vapor.

What the Captain is trying to say is that it’s all very convoluted, but it makes sense in the Senator’s head. Just like this one did way back on March 11, 2009.

Sen. Orrin Hatch pays homage to his fellow GOPer Teddy Roosevelt with this anti-Monopoly poster.

Just kidding. That would make the poster make sense! No, it’s actually (if the Senator is to be believed) about how Democrats want to ban the rich, which really means banning small businesses…because small businesses look like Uncle Pennybags and they’re going to get trapped in a prohibition sign like some sort of full-roaming vapor.

What the Captain is trying to say is that it’s all very convoluted, but it makes sense in the Senator’s head. Just like this one did way back on March 11, 2009.

Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) explains how Georgia-Pacific's Dixie cups and paper products undermine our democracy. He also orated this unintentional poem on the house floor.


  Although Brawny paper towels may
  be able to clean up some spills, they
  will not be able to clean up what is
  going on with our electoral process.


(Line breaks courtesy of the Congressional Record)

Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-NJ) explains how Georgia-Pacific's Dixie cups and paper products undermine our democracy. He also orated this unintentional poem on the house floor.

Although Brawny paper towels may
be able to clean up some spills, they
will not be able to clean up what is
going on with our electoral process.

(Line breaks courtesy of the Congressional Record)

Ask and Post

My dearest ensigns,

You can now ask the captain whatever your heart desires, and even submit your own placard sightings for publication! Just use the links in the sidebar on the right of the site.

The Captain believes in democracy, he really does. He encourages dialog between a head of site and its netizens. So hop to it and communicate. And make it good. The Captain holds his army to the highest standards.

Sen. Dean Heller (R-NV) begins another of his remedial Congressional Chemistry Classes. Here, he begins his section on solutions.

Apologies. The Captain let his mind wander again to the myriad better uses to which Senate floor time could be put.

Sen. Dean Heller (R-NV) begins another of his remedial Congressional Chemistry Classes. Here, he begins his section on solutions.

Apologies. The Captain let his mind wander again to the myriad better uses to which Senate floor time could be put.

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) shows off a photograph of himself and Congressional buddies John Shimkus (R-IL) and Bob Latta (R-OH) standing in front of a large tire with their Canadian minder, Cal Dallas (Conservative Party).

The size of the tire shows that oil sands operations are safe and environmentally friendly. The Canadians are great with technology. Never mind that they don’t seem to know how to  remove a date stamp from a photo.

Oh, and Rep. Shimkus has a great understanding of environmental forces. He seems to be one of the few in Congress who understands that we shouldn’t worry too much about global warming because God promised Noah that the world wouldn’t end in a flood.

We’re in good hands here. Suddenly, though, the shoes they’re wearing seem oddly appropriate…

UPDATE: See Rep. Wilson’s entire halting speech.

Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC) shows off a photograph of himself and Congressional buddies John Shimkus (R-IL) and Bob Latta (R-OH) standing in front of a large tire with their Canadian minder, Cal Dallas (Conservative Party).

The size of the tire shows that oil sands operations are safe and environmentally friendly. The Canadians are great with technology. Never mind that they don’t seem to know how to remove a date stamp from a photo.

Oh, and Rep. Shimkus has a great understanding of environmental forces. He seems to be one of the few in Congress who understands that we shouldn’t worry too much about global warming because God promised Noah that the world wouldn’t end in a flood.

We’re in good hands here. Suddenly, though, the shoes they’re wearing seem oddly appropriate…

UPDATE: See Rep. Wilson’s entire halting speech.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) discussing Alaska’s coming plans to superimpose itself on the continental United States.

As to who owns Alaska, the Captain is pretty sure that the majority stake is Sarah Palin's ego.

Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) discussing Alaska’s coming plans to superimpose itself on the continental United States.

As to who owns Alaska, the Captain is pretty sure that the majority stake is Sarah Palin's ego.

Sen. John Hoeven (R-ND) displays a mock-up of the North Dakota Heritage Center Expansion, which recycles coal ash as a building material. Note the mock-up’s attention to detail, from the delicate colors of the leaves turning on the trees to the extreme whiteness of the people who will patronize the Center.

Sen. John Hoeven (R-ND) displays a mock-up of the North Dakota Heritage Center Expansion, which recycles coal ash as a building material. Note the mock-up’s attention to detail, from the delicate colors of the leaves turning on the trees to the extreme whiteness of the people who will patronize the Center.

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is either grumpy about transportation earmarks, or it’s show and tell and he’s brought in a picture of his pet rock.

Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) is either grumpy about transportation earmarks, or it’s show and tell and he’s brought in a picture of his pet rock.

A little perspective

Why is Senator Michael Bennet (D-CO) sporting an impish smile? It’s because he just won the inaugural Poster of the Day Award. Behind him you will find his masterwork, providing much-needed perspective to Congress’s historically low approval rating.

Sen. Michael Bennet posing with his masterpiece.

He’s included comparisons to approval ratings for such whimsical points of reference as lawyers, Paris Hilton, and, of course, US Going Communist (Congress ranked lower than all three). For bringing levity to the abject state of Congress, and for having a fairly readable placard (which counts as placard excellence in the US Senate), Senator Bennet has attained the highest honor (to date) bestowed upon poster presenters by yours truly.